Does this movie suck or am I just old?
Serious question.
This is Hot Topic horror, which means lots of thumping techno music and rock. And while the climax of this story about zombie vampire cheerleaders brings some clever strokes and okay gore, you’ve got to wade through a LOT of teen angst to get there. The whole first act is weirdly serious about these characters’ love triangles and dramas. Hardly cracks a joke at all. With a straight face, this movie sets up the bitchy pom-pom girls, the asshole football dudes, the ex-geek girl who joins the cheerleader squad for the sole purpose of carrying out a mysterious revenge plot and the hair-dye/nose-ring/pale skin Wiccan Goth lesbian who pines for her (and whose magic spell gets things going).
Meanwhile, I, a creepy 40-year-old bald man on his second glass of Sauvignon Blanc, keep waiting for this to become fun. I’m used to any movie with the word “cheerleader” in the title being a Camp Fest.
And it does get more fun as it progresses, but, man, does it ever start off on the wrong foot.
Or maybe I just don’t get it. Maybe this is what millennials like. Maybe they want to watch a soap opera before they see people get turned into marinara sauce.
I don’t know. I also don’t know what Snapchat is. And I don’t think Stephen Colbert is funny.
Best scene: When the resurrected zombie cheerleader walks around her neighborhood in her underwear. That’s when the movie finally figures itself out and gets silly.
Best death: Gonna go with the girl who goes down after getting caught in multiple bear traps, even though the scene makes zero sense and softballs the gross stuff.
Available on Netflix, of course. It’s today’s trash horror video section.