So, you’re tired of superhero movies, but what about bikini superhero movies? And what about a bikini superhero movie that doesn’t actually have any bikinis in it?
No matter, in this skin flick The Bikini Avenger and Thong Girl mostly wear even less than that. In outfits so tight that you can tell just by looking at them that someone’s got the air-conditioner turned up too high, our lady superheroes are on a mission to stop the evil and shapely Jade Empress from using stolen diamonds to turn satellites into deadly lasers (or something).
It’s hard work and, if you ask me, a sex scene that explores multiple positions every five minutes or so is exactly what a hero who’s trying to save the world deserves.
In that spirit, I maintain that none of this movie’s ninety-seven flesh-slapping moments are gratuitous. Okay, maybe the one where the villainess screws the hypnotized security guard in a museum (that a more suspicious mind than mine might say looks a whole lot like a hotel room) for no reason is a tad unbelievable, but the rest are fine. Especially that one girl-on-girl scene between the Jade Empress and her underling. There are also a few nice jokes (and a good-natured Goldfinger homage), though the best one is star Erika Jordan’s credit as “fight choreographer”. She and Jacqui Holland are the leads of this cast of eight people, each of whom gets the chance to get deep into their character by taking off all of their clothes and showing us where they really shine.
It’s your regular softcore job, best seen at a late hour and with lowered critical faculties. Your enjoyment depends entirely on how much you like the girls. My own favorite is pale brunette Sarah Hunter, who’s all Ivory soap curves and wicked eyes.