Bikini Girls on Ice (2008)

No, it’s not about bikini girls doing figure eights out on the ice rink. By “on ice” here, they mean dead and dumped into a freezer. Yep, there’s a psycho on the loose and he hangs out at a run-down gas station in the country. He looks like Kurt Cobain crossed with Kane Hodder and he never says a word as he snuffs out teens with knives and hammers. It’s his lucky day when a bus full of young girls on their way to a bikini car wash fundraiser just happens to stall right in front of his Gas Station O’ Death.

It’s your basic teen meat screamer and it embraces nearly all of the cliches. It’s got everything from the smart, sensitive Final Girl whom we spot immediately to the unreliable car engine to the seemingly invulnerable killer who takes a bashing and keeps on slashing. All it’s missing is a false scare where a cat jumps out at someone. Even the gore is very 80s in its simplicity (an onscreen throat slashing is as harsh as it gets). The movie’s most distinguishing feature is its cast of cute girls who spend 99% of the movie wiggling around in bikinis, though only one ever takes off her top.

Mildly entertaining at 2 AM.