Buzzard (2014)

If I’m three days late on a bill, I get my shit shut off. I also don’t know how to steal anything, I’m an awful liar and am so timid when it comes to any scam that I get nervous jaywalking. I’m a good boy.

There are those among us though who know how to play the system. They know exactly how many days a landlord has to wait to evict you. They know where and how to get things for free. They keep around friends and acquaintances who are pushovers, or just lonely, so they can take advantage of them for a place to stay or the occasional free meal.

The movies often portray that character as likable. He’s flawed, sure, but he’s either got confidence, is smart but hasn’t found himself yet, or is righteously sticking it to The Man. Stealing is an adventure. Maybe even his methods are ingenious. If things go wrong, it’s a lesson learned. Our hero becomes an improved person for the experience. It was better than another boring workday, at least. In the end, it was all worth it.

That can be a good movie, but that’s not reality.

Reality is a lot more like Buzzard, in which our daring rapscallion is more a selfish, lazy weasel who’s only motivation is his own indulgence in his worst habits. Joshua Burge’s Marty isn’t evil; he’s just an idiot, which can be just as bad. The only appealing thing about him is that Burge has a great face that’s a dead ringer for Buster Keaton. Marty manages to steal a few thousand bucks from a bleakly fluorescent office where he has (of course) a temp job. He’s in danger of being found out at any moment if he sticks around, so he takes off, uses up his only friend for help and then hits the road with a dwindling supply of money, a few dumb ideas for how to survive and an old school Nintendo Power Glove that he’s modified to look like Freddy Krueger’s bladed hand (!).

In other words, he’s doomed. There is no redemption for him to be found in this low-budget film’s utilitarian light. It’s refreshing that way. And very entertaining, though if you’re the kind of person who needs lead characters in movies to be “likable”, you should see something else.

When I saw the trailer (which is pretty funny), I thought this would be a predictable Office Space retread. It’s not.