Cat Run is such a B-movie blend of grisly violence (detailed bullet wounds, cigar cutter castration, an exploding head), brain dead comedy, and a little T&A, that halfway though you start to wonder if you dreamed that Universal Studios logo at the beginning—but no, it’s there. The best things about this movie: a) how weird it is due to the makers’ clumsy attempt to steer the story’s pulp fiction ugliness toward a feelgood, crowd-pleasing direction and b) the cool presence of stately English actress Janet McTeer, who’s won awards for performances in Shakespeare and Ibsen plays in the London theatre. She’s an assassin who proves that the only thing scarier than a crazy psycho killer is a polite psycho killer. The worst things about this movie: everything else, notably the bad comic relief provided by the two fledgling private detectives who’ve stepped out of a corny TV sitcom. They guide us through this story of leggy escort girl Paz Vega being chased all over Europe because she’s the sole survivor of a mass murder and made off with a hard drive—your classic “who cares?” MacGuffin—that implicates corrupt government officials in the act.
Note for dirtbags like me: The first five to ten minutes are a literal orgy of nudity, but once it’s done, it’s DONE. After the action starts, everyone stays clothed and nobody has sex. Also, Paz Vega ruins the sterling reputation of sexy Spanish actresses by sadly never getting naked here. European actresses used to drop their clothes so fast in movies that you’d think it was the law. Not anymore, though. What’s the world coming to?