Dawn of the Dead (2004)

dawn-of-the-dead-04Breathtakingly bad remake. You don’t even have to compare this to Romero’s nifty original to hate it. First off, there are the non-existent characters, each of whom are about as interesting as hair in a shower drain. Secondly, there’s the boring violence. Then, there’s the ugly, computer-y cinematography that makes the whole movie look like a music video (it feels like Nickelback are about to show up and perform their latest hit). Lastly, there are the laughable action scenes where the director speeds up the film so that the zombie fights look like chase scenes from a Three Stooges short from 1941. Add it all up and you get the lousiest movie I’ve seen in awhile.

When this came out, I was VERY skeptical. I avoided it for years. Every glossy big studio horror movie I’d seen for a solid decade had been lame, tame, and annoying. BUT I read the occasional internet goofball saying that this was surprisingly good and I read the occasional Mr. Potato Head critic saying that it was good. So, about five years later, I finally gave in.

I should’ve stayed skeptical. I was right all along.