Five Shaolin Masters (1974)

Terrific, mindless Kung Fu flick full of action scenes so breakneck, I’m surprised the camera man doesn’t get pummeled. The director was Chang Cheh, the Shaw Brothers’ top go-to man for face-kicking movies and one of the busiest filmmakers in Hong Kong at the time. This is one of EIGHT films that Cheh put out in 1974 and so he had no time for minor details like characters and plot. Instead he sticks to the good stuff: Chinese guys beating each other to death with their bare hands. A Shaolin clubhouse, or whatever, has been burned to the ground and all of its members sliced up like General Tso’s chicken except for five guys who managed to get away and now want revenge. They do their best at first, but none of our five survivors are good enough fighters, yet. The bad guys are too strong, especially that one who swings around a chain with an axe blade attached to the end. So, the five Shaolin masters hide out for a year to practice their moves, get better and finally emerge ready to gouge out some eyes and smash some skulls. All it took was a little patience and some hard work. Sounds like a life lesson to me.