This is not the first disappointing PG or PG-13 follow-up to a likable R-rated movie (Conan the Destroyer beat it), but it’s easily among the most painful. This film truly breaks new ground for sucking. It’s an all-new story, an all-new cast and an all-new house. This time the problem is a magic crystal skull toted by kindly zombie Old West cowboy Royal Dano after he’s dug up from the grave by his great-great grandson Arye Gross. The skull is the only thing that keeps undead grandpa alive. The skull is essential. It’s very powerful. It’s vitally important. It’s a major MacGuffin. If it falls into the wrong hands, it could mean some bad fucking shit.
So, of course, the characters here just throw it on the fireplace mantle, unprotected, and forget about it.
Next thing, in come the evil interlopers from other dimensions to steal it. That means our heroes have to cross over into other worlds and deal with dinosaurs, shirtless primitive human sacrifice crazies and another zombie cowboy (but this one’s a bad guy) to get it back.
It happens more than once. The skull gets stolen so many times that you start rooting for the bad guys to keep it. Royal Dano doesn’t deserve it.
Still, the worst part is that this movie commits one of the most egregious sins that any movie, person, place or thing can commit: It tries too hard to be cute.
There’s a cuddly little Gizmo from Gremlins creature that wanders into our world. There’s a “funny” baby dinosaur. And there’s the wacky sidekick character. Why wouldn’t there be?
It’s bad horror, a shitty fantasy, a train wreck comedy and an even worse Muppet movie. It’s only saving grace is John Ratzenberger in a funny turn as a non-sequiter supernatural electrician. He’s like a strong bong hit next to a bunch of stale Easter candy.