Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)

It’s got the desert setting and dusty leather-clad hero of Mad Max, it’s got the laser gun fights of Star Wars, it’s got a teensy hint of the sword-and-sorcery genre (minus the swords) that was popular in the early 80s… and it’s got all the excitement of watching squirrels gather acorns in your front yard. It’s an early work from producer/director Charles Band before he hit his B-movie stride with Trancers and films about killer puppets. The characters here are so wooden that they have termites and the simple story never manages to bring even one interesting twist. The most notable thing about this film is that it has the simultaneously best and worst movie title of the decade.

Jared-Syn is the name of the villain. It’s always a bad idea to put the names of characters who don’t mean anything to anyone in the title of sci-fi and action movies. You save that for the sequel. Imagine if Star Wars was called Star Wars: Luke Skywalker vs. Darth Vader. Six people would have seen it. Harrison Ford would’ve had to go back to carpentry.