Take John Stamos, give him some guns and a floppy disk full of top secret information and then send an evil leather gang led by a bisexual Gene Simmons after him and what do you get? The stuff of 80s VHS dreams. This thing doesn’t have two minutes that make a lick of sense, but that’s okay. If the makers cared about sense we wouldn’t get to see Gene Simmons ham it up as one the campiest rock musicians in movie history—we’re talking pink feather boas and studded cod pieces—who’s also a crime kingpin and a master of disguise on the side. Simmons is busier here than Bela Lugosi in Bowery at Midnight. We also wouldn’t get the classic sex scene between John Stamos and lady secret agent Vanity where she strips down to a bikini and teases the daylights out of him to try get him to make a move on her while he fidgets and stalls because he’s not sure what to do. In between, are explosions all over, a synthesizer score complete with a godawful theme song, a classic nerdy Asian sidekick, about a hundred thousand bullets fired and some great quotes. My favorite line: “Hand over the disk or we’ll tenderize your butt,” shouts one of the bad guys to Vanity.