Teenage Mother (1967)

The slimy old “sex hygiene” movie was alive and as well as it could possibly be in 1967. It was a formula over twenty years old at this point, dating back to the 1940s with films like Mom and DadStreet Corner and Because of Eve. The only thing this later entry to the genre adds is color film stock.

A quick summary of these movies: They were exploitation cheapies that wore the thin disguise of an “educational” film like a clumsy set of Groucho glasses. Someone has a scandalous sexual problem—usually, a young girl is “in trouble” (ie. pregnant out of wedlock)—and only ONE thing can save the day: real life medical footage of childbirth, shot in a hospital room with a camera perched up close to a woman’s wide open vagina like a teenager panting in the front row of a Justin Bieber concert.

While we the audience are nauseated, squirming and averting our eyes, the characters in the movie are always… enlightened by the experience somehow. Problems solved. This movie tweaks the “girl in trouble” template a little, but not enough to make this much different from the old Kroger Babb-produced roadshows.

Most notable moment that doesn’t involve a speculum and forceps: THE WORST dance scene in movie history. Seriously, it’s amazing. The lead girl can move okay, but the guy dances like he’s fighting an invisible dwarf. It’s one of the most awkward things I’ve ever seen in a movie and it lasts a good five minutes. Also, this is the first feature film appearance by Fred Willard! He plays a gym teacher.