The Creeping Terror (1964)

One of the classic Bad Movie endurance tests of the early 1960s. Aliens from outer space land in a rural town and start eating people, but half the film is made up of long, dialogue-free scenes of people driving, people fishing and, most memorably, a bunch of clumsy extras dancing. The monster looks like an unholy mix of bed linens, papier-mache and several different kinds of houseplants. Also, the sheriff looks like Roy Orbison and the science man looks like Mitt Romney, but the main character is really the narrator. He talks over EVERYTHING. The only thing more skimpy than the script here is the budget, which I guess meant that they couldn’t get good sound so it’s up to the movie’s omniscient narrator to provide exposition for every scene, character and conversation. It’s like the worst DVD director commentary ever. When the people onscreen do talk, their lips move about five minutes after we hear their words. Meanwhile, the elongated monster moves exactly like a tired, sweaty guy who can’t see anything and is trying to get around under several hundred pounds of heat-trapping household fabric. It’s a wonder that it eats anybody. If this slowpoke can get to you, you deserve it, as far as I’m concerned.

The highlight scenes are when the monster swallows girls whole headfirst, giving the adolescent boys in the audience hope for an upskirt peek (no dice, though). Best actor: the kid who wanders away from his grandfather to chase lizards and beat up on some trees before the monster attacks. Best actress: the extra in tight pants during the dance scenes. You’ll know her when you see her. Director (and lead actor) Vic Savage keeps up her right up front, bless him.

Fifty years later, a documentary about this film, The Creep Behind the Camera, came out. It covers the dramas, the schemes, scams, hustles and lawsuits that lead to Vic Savage disappearing off the face of the Earth after this was made.