The Final Member (2012)

Three guys, one jar.

If for some reason you don’t think about penises very often, this truly funny documentary will make it so that they’re ALL you think about for an hour-and-a-half. It’s about the world’s only penis museum, which stands firm and erect in Húsavik, Iceland, and its search for a human specimen. For over thirty years, curator Sigurður Hjartarson has collected cocks from every animal you can think of and he’s surprisingly not insane. He’s a likable and sober scholar who translates 16th century literature and writes nature books when he’s not surveying mongoose dicks. The museum, he claims, is partly for science and partly a social statement intended to diffuse awkward attitudes about anatomy.

For two men who volunteer to donate their own meat whistles to the museum’s row of glistening jars though, it’s all about the ego.

Here’s the long and short of it:

In one corner, you’ve got Páll Arason, a manly Icelandic celebrity who had sex with half the women in Europe in his heyday, now a fragile bag of bones in his 90s. He promises his weathered scepter to the museum upon his death.

In the other corner, you’ve got Tom Mitchell, the 60-year-old ultra-creepy American who loves his unit so much that he thinks the whole world needs to know about its greatness. He talks about his stick shift like it’s a person. He’s named it (“Elmo”), he draws it, he thinks it looks great in little costumes and he wants to chop it off and send it to Iceland. And, oh yeah, he’s willing to do this while he’s still alive. He just has a few bizarre conditions to go along with it.

The museum will only take one, so who comes out on top in this struggle? Which of these two gets his dick on display and his balls made immortal?

I’m not saying a thing. This movie is too much fun and I don’t want to ruin it for anyone.