The Zombie Army (1991)

I will give five dollars to the first person who can explain this movie to me.

Is it set on a military base or a college campus or a mental hospital? I seriously can’t tell.

Do we know how and why zombies suddenly start showing up everywhere? I think I was still trying to figure out the previous question when this was explained.

Where did the dorky guy and the girl who have a drawn-out sex scene in the middle of this mess come from? I have no idea.

And what’s the deal with the all-woman Army battle squad who show up toward the end? No fucking clue.

If we all work together, I think we can figure this one out.

Zombie action has never been so complicated. The good news is that none of that matters in this shot-on-video classic because it’s thoughtful enough to at least bring the gore and gratuitous skin. It’s entertaining stuff, full of sweat and sleaze and desperation. Filmmaking is hard work and the makers of The Zombie Army certainly make it look hard. Every shot and every clumsy edit feels walked across a bed of nails. The best parts are the good zombie make-up, the impressive acid-melted flesh effects, the psychotic kid flashbacks at the beginning, the carnage scenes scored to the Grade-Z party metal of Halo and Killtoy and the trailers at the end for other fine Video Outlaw releases, such as Prehistoric Bimbos in Armageddon City and Goblin.

The first and final film from director Betty Stapleford. It’s the best zombie movie ever made by someone named Betty.