Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

There are a lot of parallels between Star Wars and Kiss (the rock band).

Both were originally aimed at the kids of the 1970s. Both have been partly characterized by their infamous over-the-top merchandising machines. Both have a campy 1978 television special now loathed by the people involved. Both have audiences who are suckers for nostalgia. Both have audiences who argue over whole swaths of history that they’d prefer to ignore (Kiss’s 80s albums; George Lucas’s doddering prequels). The main creative people of both inspire love-hate reactions from their audience. Both got blockbuster reunions of their most bankable cast of players (with the enjoyable, though shameless fan-stroke move of The Force Awakens as the movie equivalent to “playing the hits”). Both feature a big monster with fake hair.

Where does Rogue One fit into this comparison? We’ll have to find someone deeply familiar with Kiss’s Psycho Circus comeback album to know for sure (I’ll ask around), but I think this shiny new movie prequel is a solid stab at relevance in this current Age of The Geek and the bold(-ish) move that we needed after the previous rehash. The most interesting thing about it is that it’s an almost straightforward WAR movie beneath the lasers and aliens. It embraces espionage, chaotic battlefields, the work of a team, the bad things a person sometimes does for a good cause and a mission with DOOM written all over it. Also, as in most war movies, we already know the conclusion of this one (it ends exactly when the original 1977 Star Wars begins). What matters is the sweat, struggle and sacrifice that it takes to get there. In a smart move, Rogue One does not compromise on those fronts.

Its second smartest move is that it comes up with a clever retroactive explanation for one of the biggest plot-holes of Star Wars ’77. Namely, why does the evil Empire’s ultra-sophisticated Death Star space station have such a simple weak spot? Fan fiction couldn’t have done a better job of plugging up that leak.

The weak points here include a cast of characters who barely register a pulse (almost no one I’ve talked to about the movie can even remember their names) and a middle section that sags as a result. The CGI Peter Cushing is also a tad uncomfortable (though it is well-done and I got used to it) and the story is so insular and propped up on references to the old 1977 movie, passed to the audience in underhand tosses, that it’s hard to recommend to anyone who doesn’t already have a hard-on for lightsabers.

Still, it’s an enjoyable theater experience. What saves it is a rousing final third that’s sure to rip out the soft hearts in the room. It’s got thrills, spills, chills and the best special effects in any Star Wars movie to date, a smart blend of practical and digital that’s easy on the eyes and looks timeless.

It’s not a great movie, but it is guilt-less fodder for the fans. There’s something to be said for that. At the very least, it’s got to be much, much better than Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels.