Fantasm (1976)

Not to be confused with the horror movie Phantasm, this Fantasm brings the “F” in the spelling and brings the sex. Instead of Angus Scrimm and a bunch of hooded dwarfs in a cemetery, this film gives us a (porn) star-studded cast who strip off every stitch of clothing for our education on the important subject of female sex fantasies. What the hell are THOSE? See this movie and find out.

In ten quick vignettes, it covers everything, from strap-on dominance to rape fantasy submission, to girl-on-girl stuff to a strip poker game that gets out of hand, from mothers and sons to students and teachers, to a girl who merely wants a guy with a razor and lather to get down on his knees and trim her front lawn while she chills out with legs spread. Every lesson eventually becomes the same softcore sex scene (I say we all be cool and keep quiet about what the, uh, not-so-softcore stuff that they sneak into the part where John Holmes and one-movie-wonder Maria Welton become close friends in a swimming pool).

It can get tedious, but there’s enough variety here to perk you up sometimes. Everybody’s gonna have a favorite and least favorite scene. My least favorite: the part where John Holmes and Maria Welton (before they jump into that aforementioned swimming pool) play around with fruit and eventually start to rub and lick off the entire produce section at Whole Foods from each other’s nude bodies. Food and sex together, not my thing. Favorite segment: the one where the girl gets ravaged at the Satanic ritual, purely for the “Where the hell did that come from?” factor.

Look for Uschi Digard busting off the screen in the lesbian episode, as well as old school porn mainstays such as Candy Samples, Serena, Roxanne Brewer, Rene Bond and gay porn actor Con Covert (probably not his real name) never quite convincing us that he’s enjoying Gretchen Rudolph playing dominatrix on him after she catches him stealing her underwear. Director Richard Bruce is actually Richard Franklin, who later made the leap from smut to Hollywood, where he directed Psycho II and the Henry Thomas kiddie adventure flick Cloak & Dagger.