Blackouts can be fun. I learned this back in in 1988 or ’89 when God decided to kick the shit out of the city one summer night with one of the angriest storms I’d ever seen in my life. The rain landed like bullets on the roof of our house and the wind could have carried away your grandma. Somewhere in that assault our electricity conked out and we–my mother, my younger sister and I–had to step away from the TV and gather together by candlelight. The whole night after that was made up of firelight and faces and lots of pitch black space that we filled with conversation.
Nobody had a cellphone that was in desperate need of charging. Nobody had essential information sitting on a now inaccessible computer. All that we lost were the lights and the TV and the refrigerator and we could live without those for a spell. What we had was each other, and that was worth more than what we’d temporarily lost. We were in good shape.
I would have been 11 or 12 at the time and I think that night was formative in my present day love of the baddest of bad weather. An ice storm approaching. An evil black cloud taking over the sky in the middle of a spring day. Thunder. Lightning. Frantic reports from the weatherman.
I love all of that shit. I’m not even scared of tornado watches and warnings. As a lifelong Texan, I’ve seen a million of those and I haven’t been picked up and tossed into the next county, yet. I laugh at tornado warnings. I go for picnics during tornado warnings.
Bad weather is the best. The light is dimmed and more beautiful. I love the smell of rain. There’s even a hippie flower child part of me that feels empathy with the earth as it’s nurtred and refreshed by the downpour.
Rain is never bad weather to me. Rain is the very best weather. You know that Jimi Hendrix song where he says “Excuse me while I kiss the sky”? Well, when it rains, the sky KISSES YOU–and that’s better.
So, I was cool with last Sunday’s sudden blast of Almighty wrath at first.
The day started out bright and quiet and then at about 2:00 in the afternoon the sky changed color and the sheets of rain came down. Then the 70 mph winds kicked in and next thing I know my car was being pelted with sticks, gravel and garbage. Junk was blowing all over the street like it was alive and pissed off.
I was out driving when it started. I was on my way to buy groceries.
Then I thought about one of my cats, who was outside at the time. If this storm was brutal to me as I cruised the streets in my little subcompact, it had to be like World War III to him. So, I turned around and went back home. He was in one of his usual haunts where he was wet and a little muddy, but okay. He looked liked he’d just finished the first day of training camp for the Seattle Seahawks. The little guy ran toward me right away and went inside with zero coaxing.
It was about that time that the power went out, not just for me, but all over the city.
Nobody saw this coming. We didn’t even get that cool moment where everyone’s smartphones begin to buzz out loud with the menacing weather warning. It’s been a rainy spring here and according to the weather reports, we were only gonna get a little more rain dumped on us sometime Sunday afternoon. The winds were expected to pick up a little, but it’s nothing we hadn’t seen before. No big thing. Just make sure your hat is on good and snug and you should be fine.
Nobody told us that the whole city was going to be turned upside down. Nobody told us that even 7-11s were gonna close because they couldn’t freeze up the Slurpees anymore. Nobody told us that the parking lot at the one open McDonald’s within several miles was gonna look like the scene of a Stones concert in 1975.
Nobody told me that I was gonna have to buy candles. Nobody told me that my living room that evening was gonna smell like Honey Lavendar Breeze because the only candles they had at Target by the time I got there were the scented ones.
But I got through it. I survived. Just like in ’88 (or ’89).
And again, it was kinda fun.
So, here’s The Constant Bleeder’s Quick Guide to a Happy Blackout.
1) This is a perfect opportunity to meet your neighbors (or get to know them better). Go for a walk. When the rain stops and nobody has air-conditioning or wi-fi anymore, people tend to go outside for fresh air and to check out the damage. You couldn’t ask for a better ice-breaker.
2) Got ice cream in the freezer? You now have the perfect excuse to eat it ALL. Take advantage.
3) Lock up all of your shit. This is a perfect time for thieves to do their thing
4) If you’re a thief, this is a perfect time to do your thing.
5) Your survival kit: flashlight, candles, ice chest, ice, beer, books, peanut butter, fruit, chips and a dip that doesn’t need to be kept cold.
Sounds like a party to me.