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A Few Modest Thoughts about MODESTY BLAISE

Peter O’Donnell
Modesty Blaise
1965 (1984 reprint, Mysterious Press)

In the 80s, there had to be newcomers to the long-running Modesty Blaise series who picked up the Mysterious Press reprints and were disappointed that the books were not the pornography promised by the outrageous new covers. I don’t think a publisher could put out cover art like this today, which is why I collect them. They’re true relics. I guess the editor just hired a model to stand in a black leather bikini (with holster) while the photographer shot detail images of every hill and valley on her body and then spread out the results over several volumes. Man, from the looks of it, these books must be just full of flesh and fluids, right?

Nope, they’re just regular old spy novels full of gunplay and globetrotting. There’s exactly one sex scene here and it’s short and “she used her splendid body to give joyously and without restraint, ranging from glad submission to urgent demand” is as steamy as the prose gets.

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GUIDED BY VOICES at Trees, Dallas, TX, 6/19/18

Shitty IPhone pic, courtesy of yours truly.

I swore off live music years ago. I don’t like crowds. I don’t like the concrete litter box vibe of most rock clubs. I don’t like having to shout over jet engine-levels of noise when I want to order another Tanqueray and tonic from the bar. I don’t like waiting in line to piss. And I don’t like paying $50-100 for it, when all is said and done, between admission, drinks and parking fees or a Lyft ride.

Also, as a world class eavesdropper (seriously, I love to eavesdrop; I’m all up in everybody’s business), rock clubs are the worst places to do it. Almost every conversation you hear is just people talking about the bands they’ve seen. Or it’s some guy trying to get into some girl’s pants… by talking about the bands that he’s seen. BOR-ING.

In another life, rock clubs were the coolest places in the world to me. Today, in my delicate years, I’ve completely turned around. Now, the coolest place in the world is my couch with a book in my hands or a movie on TV.

I’m not agoraphobic, by the way. I’m just an asshole.

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BLOOD SUCKERS FROM OUTER SPACE at “Tuesday Night Trash” at the Texas Theatre, 6/12/18

I’ve got to stop sleeping on these Tuesday Night Trash shows. And I mean literally sleeping. As I slide further into the “old bag” stage of life, your humble reporter prefers to be in bed late Tuesday nights with a book in his hands and two cats sleeping on his legs like the old woman that he never thought he’d become.

That said, I’ve been to Tuesday Night Trash before. I saw Blood Freak for the first time there. And Decoder. It introduced me to Roller Blade. And it was where I finally got to see Plan 9 From Outer Space on a big screen. And those are just a few of the favors that Tuesday Night Trash has done for me at absolutely no admission charge (it’s a FREE SHOW, folks).

For the most part though, I choose to stay in instead of hitting I-35 toward Oak Cliff come Trash night to make the usual 9:15 start time.

However, maybe it’s time to change my ways because last Tuesday’s screening of Blood Suckers From Outer Space was hilarious fun. Inspiring, even. And I want to do it again.

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A Laurel and Hardy Party #5: THEY GO BOOM!

(1929; director: James Parrott)

There’s got to be at least one critic who’s written about how Laurel and Hardy are actually a subversive gay couple in their films, right? I’m not ready to drape a rainbow flag over the boys’ shoulders just yet, but the hints are there if you want ’em. Have at it, folks. Let’s make Laurel & Hardy hip new gay icons. Fine with me.

Exhibit A: They Go Boom!  It’s the two-reeler short in which Oliver Hardy comes down with a case of the sniffles and it’s a problem for both him and Stan Laurel because they sleep in the same bed together. Shoulder-to-shoulder almost. Closer than the Clintons have slept together in forty years and closer than the Trumps have probably slept together ever.

Now, I don’t know, maybe in 1929 two men could bed down under the same blanket and it didn’t mean anything other than that they were sleepy. I’m not sure. I was only four years old in 1929.

Also, one could argue that Stan and Ollie are simply poor and this is how they save money. Their room, which is about the size of–ahem–a closet is pretty shabby.

Or maybe they’re hiding out from their wives to live their secret life and are simply on a budget.

Anyway, while Ollie suffers through his cold, Stan tries to help out by applying antiquated home remedies that lead to the usual giant mess. The pratfalls are plenty, Ollie loses his temper, the police show up because of the noise and an air mattress explodes. It could happen.

It’s a bad night for our heroes, but a good time for us as this is easily one of the funniest of the team’s early shorts, all the more impressive because the production couldn’t be more economical. It’s just two guys in a room with brief appearances by a few bit players, including old school comedy stalwart Charlie Hall as the angry landlord.

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Robert Pollard-Mania! #8: VAMPIRE ON TITUS

Guided by Voices
Vampire on Titus
1993, Scat Records

There’s a great Pollard quote in issue 82 of Magnet from 2011 on the occasion of GBV’s upcoming Let’s Go Eat the Factory album. Talking about his longevity in music, Pollard says:

One loses one’s innocence because of public acceptance. You become cognizant that the whole world is listening, and you’re not just writing for yourself. You have to maintain the attitude of a child… You have to make records for yourself… It means you’re not trying to make records for the whole world, and the record will be better because of that. I see people to this day complaining about how they keep sending stuff out and banging their heads against the wall and not getting anywhere, and it’s because they’re trying too hard. We don’t try too hard… We try not to try. That should be our motto.

That seems to sum up the journey of early Guided by Voices. They were a band learning in obscurity to not try. And they got a little better at it with every album. A little weirder. A little looser. To get more rough and ragged was their idea of progress. They were stripping everything down and they were serious about it.

Serious enough to make Vampire on Titus, the most fucked-up, wrecked and trashed Guided by Voices album ever, their most lo-fi cry in the night.

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The Meaningless Fun of THE MEANDERING CORPSE

Richard S. Prather
The Meandering Corpse
1966, Pocket Books

Reading a Richard S. Prather novel is like eating steak while drinking bourbon, smoking a cigar and playing with a loaded gun as you place a long-shot wager on a boxing match. There’s nothing healthy going on here. You don’t learn anything. You didn’t get here by following good advice.

No, all that these books have going for them is that they’re crackling, fast-paced entertainment and that’s that. They’re from a time when trash was trash and no one, neither the writer nor the audience, ever needed to apologize for it. No one came to these books looking for a message.

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Things I Will Keep #3: BOBBY MARCHAN, “There’s Something on Your Mind”

Bobby Marchan
“There’s Something on Your Mind”
1960, Fire Records

Among the records that I intend to keep until my fateful final day on the dragstrip of life, many are 45s. I’ve even had half a mind in recent years to collect music on 45s ONLY, but have yet to commit. That’s further down the Path of Enlightenment than I am willing to go right now. It’s too much sacrifice (and it’s not necessarily cheaper, either). I’m just not gangsta enough.

There’s nothing wrong with digital formats (I use ’em, I abuse ’em), but I do think that physical records and CDs encourage more active engagement with music. And IF this is true, the 45 is the ultimate in active engagement. Because you can’t just put it on and then let it go for an hour to play in the background while you entertain house guests or masturbate on your kitchen floor (or both). Nope, a 45 is gonna be all over in a few minutes after which time you either play that sucker again, take a chance on the B-side or put on something else. You have to move and make a decision. You’ve given the act of playing that song your full attention.

You are devoted to the song.

And I can’t think of many songs that deserve devotion more than Bobby Marchan’s desperate, devastated and dangerous cover of Big Jay McNeely’s “There’s Something on Your Mind”. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever heard.

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Robert Pollard-Mania! #7: THE GRAND HOUR

No, the gold-print-on-red-sleeve cover art isn’t much more clear in person than it is in this photo.

Guided by Voices
The Grand Hour
1993, Scat Records

In the Season One finale of The Guided by Voices Story, the band had just recorded Propeller, their masterpiece. And then they broke up because they were getting old and Robert Pollard’s family was giving him the stink-eye over this stupid rock band that he had going.

It was all just a hobby anyway. A goof-off. Something to pass the time. Pollard is now over this music stuff and he won’t even miss it. Right? Cut to credits.

Season Two begins with a phone call to Pollard’s house.

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