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Robert Pollard-Mania! #14: GUIDED BY VOICES / THE GRIFTERS Split 7″

Guided by Voices/The Grifters
1994, The Now Sound

The last time we discussed Robert Pollard here at The Constant Bleeder (or Da’ Bleeder, as the kids at the mall like to call it), it was for a fake split single; now on the table this time is a real split single.

The Grifters were one of the few relatively fresh indie rock bands at the time–and by “relatively fresh”, I mean they’d been making records for five years or so–who were about the same age as Guided by Voices. 30s, pushing 40, somewhere in that neighborhood. I don’t know their exact ages, but The Grifters were older than the average pipsqueak and were in the middle of putting out their two best albums of noisy jaded wooze, One Sock Missing and Crappin’ You Negative.

So, here you’ve got two sides of late-bloomer rock from a pair of bands who were in high cotton at the time. Sign me up.

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Things I Will Keep #6: MILLER, “Baby, I Got News for You”

Miller
Baby I Got News for You b/w The Girl With the Castle
1965, Columbia

Herman Melville once wrote “To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it.”

Melville died in 1891, well before rock ‘n’ roll and well before we figured out that, yeah, you can write something great on the flea as long as it rocks.

Enter Miller’s “Baby, I Got News for You”, a song so dumb that I must lose a hundred brain cells every time I hear it. Each spin of this 45 is a fresh concussion and I love it. It might be my favorite rock single of all time, or at least it has an easy spot in my top 10.

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Scratching Your Head with THE STAIRCASE on Netlflix

Because of Netflix true-crime documentaries, I’ve gotten rid of everything I ever owned that could be used as a lethal weapon. I’ve gone though the whole Clue game arsenal and tossed ’em all out. No lead pipes, candlesticks or rope in my home.

If I need to pound a nail, I go out and buy a hammer and then immediately throw it away.

All of my sharp kitchen supplies are now in the garbage. To be safe, I even got rid of my cast iron skillets. All I have now are butter knives, spoons, plastic forks, a few baking sheets and a small saucepan.

I also threw out all scissors and replaced them with those blunt Kindergarten scissors for five-year-olds.

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Robert Pollard-Mania! #13: LUCIFER’S ACHING REVOLVER b/w CRUISE

NIghtwalker/Freedom Cruise
“Lucifer’s Aching Revolver” b/w “Cruise”
1994, Simple Solution Records

Newcomers to Robert Pollard’s work–or fans who lead a more eventful life than I do and haven’t religiously kept up with it all–are inevitably confused by the side projects. It’s understandable. As of this writing, Pollard has recorded and released music under almost two dozen different names and with a variety of collaborators.

As I  make my way through his body of work and write way too many words about each record, I intend to explain every side project and tell you why each one is a little different. I will use my nerdiness to illuminate. I will use my geekiness to elucidate. Summoning the power of my autism, I will demystify and hopefully clarify.

Because I know everything. I am an armchair expert in all things Pollard. There’s not much that you can get by me.

Except for what the deal is with THIS record.

None of the books or interviews, as far as I know, tell the story of this fake split-single for two bands (Nightwalker and Freedom Cruise) who both are clearly Guided by Voices in disguise.

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Getting CLOSER to Robert Pollard

Matthew Cutter
Closer You Are: The Story of Robert Pollard and Guided by Voices
2018, Da Capo Press

The rock star fantasy rests on the myth that none of it is hard work. Maybe a musician’s early starving-artist days provide some strife to talk about, but even that’s often told as a romantic story of young, untethered bohemians who can afford to scrape by on disposable dayjobs and stay up all night in pursuit of their art and/or fortune.

If you can make it to the next level, life becomes a permanent vacation. Go on tour to applause every night. Tell your life story to journalists. Be on magazine covers. The kids all think you’re cool. When you’re feeling exhausted, take a year off. Play golf with The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Take up a drug habit, even. Some of these big rock bands nowadays go three, four, five years or more between their next album of twelve measly songs. Hell, anybody could do that… some regular schmoe like me might think while we punch the time clock, straighten our tie for the office or put on our hardhat.

The refreshing thing about the story of Robert Pollard is that it’s the opposite of all of that. It steps square on the myth’s head.

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Twin Peaks Season 3 is God, Pretty Much (Or Thoughts After My Fifth Re-Watch)

Life is full of unanswered questions, unsolved mysteries, curious encounters and stories that end abruptly. If you step outside at all, people appear and disappear in your life all of the time. We overhear the conversations of strangers. We see scenes of other peoples’ dramas. We hear gossip about people we’ve never met and never will meet. It happens so often that we don’t even think about it.

By contrast, movies and television are full of mysteries that are solved. Pieces that fall perfectly into place. Smooth trails that lead to neat resolutions. All ambiguity extinguished and explained.

Movies and television have got it all wrong, so says David Lynch.

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Robert Pollard-Mania! #12: CLOWN PRINCE OF THE MENTHOL TRAILER

Guided by Voices
Clown Prince of the Menthol Trailer
1994, Domino

The most fucked-up of the early ’90s 7″ EPs. I bet this one is STILL controversial, but I love it. I’m all about it. I’d get it tattooed on me, but the title is a little too long and I’ve never gotten a tattoo before and I’m a little jittery about the idea and I’d rather stay home and make tacos.

Nevertheless, this record’s rickety madness speaks to my soul.

Now, I don’t know where exactly this fits chronologically into Robert Pollard’s EP freak-out of 1993-94, but my sixth sense (which is wrong six out of seven times) places it toward the end because it sounds like a band who are tired of selling themselves.

They’re tired of proving that a lo-fi band can still rock and deliver songs that should be singles. They’re also, for the moment, tired of building weird fuzzed-out worlds. All they want to do now is rant directly into the tape recorder, everything laid bare and raw. You can hear fingers hit the guitar and bass strings. You can see the sticks hit the drums. You can hear Robert Pollard pop his “p”‘s on a cheap microphone.

On this EP, it’s way past midnight and everyone’s too drunk to give a fuck. And that’s a place where Guided by Voices thrive.

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Things I Will Keep #5: JILL CUNNIFF, City Beach

Jill Cunniff
City Beach
2007, The Militia Group/Vinyl Films

Here in the steamy state of Texas, August is fucking brutal. It’s my least favorite month. When you’re a kid, late summer is the melancholy time when school is about to start.  When you’re an adult, late summer is the time when you and everyone you know has already gone away and come back from their big summer vacation plans. Nobody’s looking forward to anything. Everyone is just kind of existing and that’s it. There’s no such thing as a “beautiful day” this time of year. The grass and trees are all bleached by the sun. We’re mostly all about the end of the heat wave, that first taste of autumn. It should be here in about a month or so IF we’re lucky.

(Important note: In Texas, summer often keeps kicking the shit out of us into October. I once road-tripped through rural Missouri in mid-September and was awestruck by how the whole landscape was already covered in beautiful autumn yellows and oranges. Where I come from–only about six hundred miles south–a sight like that is still a month off).

The only nice thing about late summer is that I think Jill Cunniff captured it perfectly and made it lovely on her first (and hopefully not her last) solo album.

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