DISMEMBER THE ALAMO at the Richardson, TX Alamo Drafthouse 10/26/19

So, you like horror movies, but can you sit in a theater for a ten-hour marathon of them? And can you do it even when each one is kept a secret so you don’t know what the hell you’re gonna see?

Sure, you can! It’s like trick or treat. All you know about this show is that your butt’s going to be numb when it’s all over and you’re going to see a lot of people die. Also, the coolest thing about it is they don’t show anything that this theater has shown before, which means that they have to dig deep and go for the weird stuff.

It gets you in the Halloween spirit.

Me, I’m a broken-down old creep. I don’t really do Halloween anymore. Maybe I’ll put on a Cramps record or watch some old horror movie faves (Arrow’s new An American Werewolf in London Blu-ray restoration should be in my hot little hands this week, says Amazon) in October, but I don’t carve pumpkins or wear costumes. I mostly enjoy the fall weather and rationalize eating some candy. That’s my idea of a party.

So the annual Dismember the Alamo horror-o-rama pretty much IS Halloween to me. Everyone’s in a good mood. Anticipation fills the room. Some people show up in costumes. Next thing you know, even a little introverted mosquito like me chit-chats with the guy in the next seat about the movie we just saw and what the hell might hit us next. (This year’s theme was creepy-crawlies. Snakes and bugs and worms, oh my!)

In other words, it’s a great show. It’s the kind of show that blasts your brain with movies like THESE:

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A DECEMBER TO DISMEMBER at the Richardson, TX Alamo Drafthouse,12/8/18

The best thing about Christmas is the day off from work.

The second best thing about Christmas are Christmas horror movies. I’m decrepit enough to remember when Silent Night, Deadly Night was a major media controversy, mostly for its poster that some felt was too disturbing for the kids of 1984 to see. At the time there were also very few Christmas horror movies (there was pretty much just Black Christmas and maybe Christmas Evil, when it came to what you could find at the video store back then). Exploitation filmmakers just didn’t go there often.

Whole different story today. Now, kids come out of the womb already jaded and no one bats an eye at a Santa slasher or a few severed heads rolling under the Christmas tree anymore–and we have about seven thousand holiday hack-’em-and-slash-’em flicks for your approval.

Where to start? The creeps at the Alamo Drafthouse in Richardson are here to help with their SECOND annual Christmas horror mini-marathon. My kinda holiday party.

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DISMEMBER THE ALAMO at the Richardson, TX Alamo Drafthouse, 10/27/18

You know what the weirdest thing is about sitting in a movie theater for nine hours to watch five horror films in a row?

When it’s over and your eyes feel like poached eggs and your ass is numb and your legs are stiff and you sorta zombie-walk back to your car and all of the popcorn, beer, milkshakes and pizza that you’ve taken in are starting to do weird things in your stomach… you kinda still want to sneak in one more movie. (Whether you prefer that sixth movie at home or in a theater depends, I guess, on your feelings about using public restrooms.)

It’s insane, but when the show is good and you lived through it, you become a proud weirdo.

And these Alamo Drafthouse bastards do this thing well.

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Vampire Brats

Poppy Z. Brite
Lost Souls
Dell Publishing, 1992

At my advanced age I felt like a real drip reading (and enjoying) this novel of angst-ridden vampires and goth kids.

On the other hand, I’m glad that I didn’t read it when I was a teenager because I would have been INSUFFERABLE afterward–and I was annoying enough already back then. I know how obsessive I can get. This book would have effected me. It would have changed my life. I would have started to wear all black. I probably would have gotten into eyeliner. I would have dug deep into Sisters of Mercy B-sides. I would have spent my senior year prom night hanging out in a cemetery. There’s not a doubt in my mind, no sir.

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